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Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

The Poop Chronicles

If you follow my twitter/facebook status updates, you'll have noticed a few about Adventures in Babyshitting. This is one of those things new parents can't avoid or procrastinate on. When it comes out, it has to be dealt with. Especially if it's exploding out of their nappy and fast soaking through onto your white pants.
Everyone Poops...I think Jessicsa Simpson made that book famous back in her Newlyweds days. So everyone knows that everyone else is doing it, but I'm not sure if they are aware of the variety of poop out there. You just have to read The Story of the Little mole Who Knew it Was None of His Business to see the variety of animal poops but which book will tell you about the variety of baby poops? I've not found a fun pictoral version.
So, here's the story on what comes out of a baby for the first few months...
Meconium - baby's first bowel movements. A thick, sticky, tarlike dark bowel movement. Totally normal and totally gross looking. If you want a picture, go to the Wikipedia page on Meconium.
Breastmilk poop - watery, yellow, sometimes has a seedy appearance. After the meconium passes, breastfed babies will often poop after each feed. It's not very pleasant to deal with poop 10 times a day, but it's better than when they start saving up their poops for a day or two and then exploding through the nappies. This has been my recent experience with our 3 week old who has had to be bathed or showered and have her clothes soaked in stain treatment overnight after each bowel movement.
Formula poop - strained peas...that's what I hear. A bit thicker than breastmilk poop, and may have a more green or brownish tint. Usually formula fed babies poop a bit less often than breastfed babies because the formula takes longer to be digested. Formula poop is usually smellier than breastmilk poop too.
Solid-food poop - well, around 4-6 months when the baby starts on solids nappy changes get even grosser. Sugars in the fruits and vegetables change the flora and fauna of the digestive tract and the poop coming out tends to be browner, firmer, and way stinkier - everyone in a 5 mile radius will know a poop has taken place. Sometimes the poop is the color of the carrots baby ate or there are bits of undigested food in it; don't worry, that's totally normal.
So, there you have it. Simple, no frills, no illustration explanation of baby poop.

Oh, and I think I know why yellow is the preferred unisex colour now...why oh why do we have so much white in baby Wren's wardrobe?

Monday, September 21, 2009

The stuff nighmares are made of...


I was shocked to read that a Russian woman has given birth to a 7.75kg baby - that's 17.5lbs and more than double the average newborn weight! I thought perhaps I'd misread the headline and it should have read Russian woman gives birth to toddler. This is the type of story that makes us expectant mums very nervous...

Read the whole story here.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

TMI?

There are days when questions regarding my pregnancy are met with annoyance and a curt response, especially when those questions come from strangers. There are other days, however, when I can’t stop burbling. Makes me wonder, how much information is too much? What do people actually want to know and what am I forcing upon them when I’m in my “receptive” mood?
Today has been a day of burbles. I’m in a familiar environment with a familiar group of clients and I seem to be talking an awful lot about myself. And my bump. I think the type of information I give is relatively innocuous and certainly not TMI in the sense that I’m not talking bowel movements or discharge. But really, is the type of information I’m disseminating interesting? Due date, gender, agreement that my feet are a bit swollen and I’ve broken out my jandals on non-working days, minor complaints about the physical aspect of my job, the fact that my maternity leave starts on Friday… Blah, blah, blah.
I was looking at yesterday’s newspaper today while eating lunch and I saw in the “Sideswipe” column, a reader submitted blurb about parents over-indulging their desires to talk about their offspring. Apparently this man had been stuck on a long international flight beside a new mother and heard all sorts of interesting tid-bits about whether baby slept the night, how many diapers they went through in a day, how much the bub was eating, when the first smile was, etc, etc. I thought to myself, “Poor man, nowhere to escape on an airplane” and then began wondering if I’ve started to morph into the woman sitting next to him.
If you end up sharing space with me before or after I give birth and I can’t find a more interesting topic than the impending arrival of my child or what it’s been like since she’s arrived, go ahead and tell me if you’re bored with it. I won’t be offended…I promise. Well, I’ll try not to be offended. It would be good if you managed to let me know how interesting other things I may have to talk about are though…

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Personal Space? What's That?

So, yesterday I made a foray to the mall to collect party goodies for the upcoming 3 year old madness that will be happening this Sunday and to shop for the perfect present for said 3 year old. All was good, the shopping was fruitful and hubs agrees that I've chosen a suitably brightly coloured and exciting present befitting a 3 year old.
While my focus was on a 3 year old, everyone else's focus was on someone who has still about 30 days before making her debut.
The first shop I went into, an elderly lady said hello and began asking me questions such as "how much longer have you got to go?" and "do you know what you're having?" I just thought she was a lonely elderly lady. I was wrong. In each shop I visited, someone managed to comment on my belly. "When are you due?" or "How much longer?" were the most common questions and I think my answer of 4+ weeks to go surprised many. The other comments tended to be "Wow, you're big!" or "I bet you'll be happy when it's over." One lady shared with me how a week ago she'd delivered a little boy 7 weeks early and was just out doing some shopping to finish the nursery before they let him out of the hospital.
People have also begun to imagine it's appropriate to rub my stomach. I am not a Buddha and I will not bring you good luck. Up until very recently, the only people who had been brave enough to touch or rub my stomach are my husband, my husband's daughter, my MIL (although hers have been quite tentative little touches) and one of my friends before she went back to Canada and the belly was barely a bump. One of the ladies who questioned my due date yesterday, reached out and gave my stomach a bit of a stroke which shocked me - she was a complete stranger. And I was left feeling somewhat akward when a very nice lady who runs one of the venues where I teach first aid classes put one hand on either side of my bump and rubbed up and down while cooing something to the baby (at least she was not a stranger). I'm not quite sure of how to respond to these things...if I wasn't pregnant, there's no way you'd be so familiar and rub my stomach, so what's changed? Do pregnant women, once they reach a certain stage, lose their right to privacy and personal space?

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Food, Glorious Food

Hello, my name is Angelle, I'm 6 months pregnant, and I'm addicted to food.

I suppose being obsessed by food is normal for a woman when she is six months pregnant but I am starting to wonder about myself. I've always loved food but am not sure I've ever been so food-centric. I get asked if I have cravings and I answer honestly, "no, no particular cravings." I just crave food, in all it's forms. I spend my time tweeting about what I'm eating, looking up photos of beautiful foods, and researching recipes.


Recently Raspberries featured quite heavily in a dream...


Savory and sweet ethnic foods including Mexican, Indian and Asian have been on the radar.


We went to a craft fair recently, and my favorite purchase was a cupcake...and a cross stitch pattern featuring a CUPCAKE.


Even foods like this cous cous salad get me salivating and thinking about the perfect accompaniments.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Products for Preggies that bring on the LoLs

Ages ago (okay a few months ago), I was complaining about belly bands and my pants falling down. No one came to me and told me there were garter belts that would keep my pants up. When I saw them today, I burst out giggling. Would I actually attach suspenders to my bra to help keep my pants up? They seem really funny but at the same time, useful. Hmm... If you're interested, you can find Belly Ups here.


So I suppose I'm at the stage when people are going to start touching my bump. I'm not sure how I feel about that. When I teach classes now, to avoid being bombarded with questions about the bump during breaks, I've begun to add small details about the bump in my introduction (it's a girl, due Oct). The bump is certainly quite big now and there are times when you can't just feel the movement but see this little monster kicking me. These temporary tattoos are a good novelty item if you're into exposing your belly. These tell people where they can touch, what the sex is, or on a bad day tell them to get lost. If you want them, you can get them at Perpetual Kid.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Gender Bender

So, what'll it be? Boy or Girl? Girl or Boy?
Some parents wait until their due date to find out but I am that kind of really curious person who would peek at Christmas presents if I thought I wouldn't get caught!
Today is the day of our 20 week scan. Both my husband and I are hoping to find out the sex of our baby. Not that it matters mind you... I suppose we're hoping for a boy but only because of all the girls born in the family already (7 girls and no boys in the youngest generation so far).
There are a number of less scientific methods of predicting the sex of your baby. Are you hairy? It's a boy! Is the bump low? It's a boy! Is the bump high and visible from the back? It's a girl! Does your wedding ring swing like a pendulum over your stomach when suspended from a strand of your hair? It's a boy. Does your wedding ring move in a circle over your stomach when suspended from a strand of your hair? It's a girl. Is the fetal heart rate over 140? It's a girl. Do you crave cheese and meat? Boy. Do you crave sweets? Girl. Is your right breast bigger than your left? Boy! There are also various online quizzes which will tell you - mine have said boy. And last but not least if the year you conceived in and the age which you conceived at are both odd numbers then it's a girl.
It's all very confusing really so I'm really looking forward to something scientific today! Is it a boy? We'll see but we won't be disappointed either way.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Sun damage is like pregnancy...

I was surfing over at Brooke Burke's website ModernMom and this quote caught my eye:
Sun Damage is like Pregnancy. The only true form of prevention is abstinence. And just like sex, it is unlikely we will stay away from the sun.
Too right! And very funny. If you'd like to read the entire article, it's here.